BDM aka Stoned Cold Killer: News

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Looking at the bottom of the barral.

My ears roar with the sound of disappointment and despair.
Some tell me it is better to live alone without true love,
But my eyes can only is the loneliness at the end of the road.
Is it better to lie at the bottom of a bottle,
Or to cease to exist at all?

My demons are to many for me to face alone this way.
I live with a woman that will not even hold my hand,
Unless we are in Church,
Will not hug me to console me for my brother’s death.
I wish I had no eyes to see the happiness of lovers.
I wish I had no ears to hear the laughter.
I wish I had no heart to want love so long unfulfilled.

I my eyes being in a bad relationship is better than being alone.
But the counselors tell me I am a fool,
That if all your partner does is uses you for her needs,
But doesn’t fulfilled yours, you shouldn’t stay in the relationship.

When two stars collide in a time on need, can they ever separate?
I now no that all I was, was a means to an end.
But my moral up beginning causing me to suffer in this.
I was raise to live by rules that place me here.
There is no fate that we don’t make ourselves, they say,
But do we really have any chose in the way things play out.

I would be breaking a solemn vow, you my own happiness.
I have watched some many relationships where this is true.
But my offspring rule that it is better to leave than to be unhappy.
But my ancestors stood by their word.

Is it better to live a lie, than to need it by breaking your vows?
By going against all you were taught.
I have no answers for my self. I loss a brother all week ago.
Until he was 40 years old, he lived a life without rules.
Then he cleaned up his act according to society’s rules.
Went to church and took care or his body.
Then within two months of being diagnosed with lung cancer he was dead.
What justice is there in the world when fate does this kind of thing?

I keep asking my self this; it is constantly in my mind, is it better to live a lie,
than not to live at all. And then the world steps in and says you are not allowed release.
I am sorry if I have upset you; I hate to see women cry.
It is the one tool that is always used against me.
I suffer so much because of those salty drops of dew.
God’s punishment for me being alive, but yet there is no solace in death either.
Only love is real, life and death are unless things with out this.

Life, love and Death, but what is love. I have no answers only question.
Knock and it shall be opened into you, seek and you will find, ask and it shall be given into you,
He said. I have knocked until my knuckles are bleeding, I have sought until I can not walk, and
asked until I have no word left. What it the purpose in life if the answers are all secret.

Grief is an awful thing. It eats at your very soul. Death of a family member is never easy to bear. But life itself is not fair. Grief can causes one to not believe in the existence of God, but this universe is too ordered not to have a creator. Be he good or bad; is not for us to question, even with the death of a love one. I have no one to blame but myself for not having been as close to my brother as I should have been, he was only 45 with a son of 9 years old which I will not get to know, because I am also dead to the family, not only separated by 2700 miles, but by facts of life. They wouldn't even let me talk to my brother on the phone, and the funeral is in three days, and I don't have and can't get the money or make arrangements to fly to the funeral. So, they will be at me for not going, because they thought I wouldn't go. They wouldn't even give me time to get there. But I have neven been part of my family since going over seas for my country, just like my first Christmas being back in the states. I went home to an empty house, they had moved and didnit tell me. My Christmas that year was spent in an empty abyss, which scarred me for life. "Nothing is free, nothing is sacred, and nothing is clean", this is a quote from Freakhouse, I have to give them credit for this. This emptiness now can never be filled. Love of one's brother, can't be replaced, now I have no grandfather, father or brother. And all the pain, I have, is eating me up inside. God has forgotten me, is what I feel, although I know he has little time for me, as sinner, as I am. I all the bands I know, that have played for me, we must rock on, I have to rock on, to honor my brother, and brothers' in arms, the soldiers that my band honor, just as them, my brother served his country for fourteen years, in the US Navy. Dead Soldiers will never forget the sacrifices of those who have served. James Burgess now rests with all the rest. And "James" I am sorry for not having what I needed to be there, may your soul forgive me. James S. Burgess, Chief Petty Officer, U.S, Navy, Gulf War Veteran, may he rest-in-peace.

Your Brother,

Joel G Burgess
1973-1982 U.S. Air Force, SSGT, Vietnam Veteran

Hey, kids I need up. If I am to continue to put on these concerts I need bands to plat for the 22rd of March I might be down to two bands, and for the next two, I need bands as well, please look at the event schedule, and like I don't have four bands listed I need your help. Please repost. Yuma AZ. Please if you are a band and want to play in Yuma AZ, check out my event calendar on my deadsoldier69 MySpace site, add yourselves to that site, please I need all your all help, I can't do this alone. Comment me on the deadsoldiers69 site, if you are interested. Please help.

“MUSIC IN THE PARK”
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